image courtesy newyorker.com
Book clubs, good book clubs, often provide me with insights about the experiences I have described in Small Moments: A Child’s Memories of the Civil Rights Movement. This has surprised me. As the author, I assumed I would be the one to give any ‘ah ha’ moments about the experiences of my childhood. But as the discussions become more reflective and as they incorporate information that was unavailable at the time, I am learning new ways to look at the events and the consequences of growing up during the Civil Rights Movement. And I have become more forgiving.
For example, one chapter describes a horrific event that my father chooses to ignore. By ignoring it, I was left feeling abandoned when I most needed him, and for years I harbored an unforgiving bitterness about this. My father was not a kind person, and this particular incident seemed to underscore the real harmfulness he inflicted. However, during a book club conversation, a kind school psychologist from Nashville asked me if I’d ever thought my father might have had Asperger Syndrome. If he did, it would have explained his behavior. And if he did, I could understand and forgive that particular incident.
Asperger Syndrome does not make a person cruel or unkind. It does, however, have some fairly clear behavior traits – repetition, inability to prioritize, lack of social skills, inability to make eye contact, etc. My father certainly had all of these and many more affiliated with the diagnosis. So, yes, he probably did have Asperger’s. This does not excuse his attitudes and it does not excuse how mean he could be, but it does go a long way to explain some of his behavior.
I have since done a lot of research about Asperger Syndrome. It is complicated, but it is not rare. I believe my father had it. So thanks to a conversation at a book club, I gained an insight that has helped me forgive a great deal about my father. This is a tremendous gift. It does not change my childhood, but it certainly changes the years I have left to think about it.
Thank you to all the book clubs in Nashville who have read Small Moments: A Child’s Memories of the Civil Rights Movement and have taken the time to give me thoughtful feedback.